Articles
Navigating Relationships
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There are three things which are too wonderful for me,
Yes, four which I do not understand:
The way of an eagle in the air,
The way of a serpent on a rock,
The way of a ship in the midst of the sea,
And the way of a man with a virgin.
(Prov. 30:18-19)
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This proverb is puzzling at first reading, but with a little thinking the hidden meaning emerges--and provides guidance for young people in navigating gender relations in our modern age.
The first three items describe natural phenomena consisting of an object (eagle, serpent, ship) making its way through a given environment (air, rock, sea). The pairings make sense, because the objects are designed to function only in their respective environments. There are laws that govern how these objects and environments interact. But mix up the pairings and disaster ensues: A serpent flying in the air? An eagle sailing in the sea? A ship slithering along on a rock? These pairings don't fit, because they were not designed to fit. The laws of nature will not allow it.
These examples, says the wise man, illustrate "the way of a man with a virgin." There is a natural order--"laws"--that define how a man finds his way into the heart of a woman. If a man and woman respect those laws and behave accordingly, a beautiful relationship can be realized. Their companionship will be as graceful as an eagle soaring in the sky, as smooth as a snake gliding along a rock, as powerful as a ship plowing through the waves--but only if the rules are honored.
In our modern Western culture, the rules governing male/female relationships have been jettisoned. Traditional gender roles have been sabotaged; sex is no longer considered sacred; covenant marriage has been replaced by casual hookups; relationships are no longer permanent and enduring, but transactional and fleeting. Ships are trying to fly like eagles, and it's not working. Young people by the millions are suffering from an epidemic of loneliness, depression, and guilt.
The cure for the problem is simple, but it requires a surrender to age-old principles that define the innate relationship between men and women: Men and women are distinct genders with naturally defined roles; healthy companionship is based on more than just sex; emotional and spiritual compatibility is far more important, and must be negotiated up front; mutual happiness is forged in a commitment to permanence--"till death do us part."
Young people, don't be discouraged by all the relational wreckage around you. Respect the rules, and seek the one your heart desires.
--David
